This being my third baby, the days leading up to the delivery were so much more laid back than the other two. It was still surreal to me that God had blessed us with another pregnancy. Especially when we weren't trying. I cherished every, single second of this pregnancy. I tried (I wasn't always successful, but I tried) not to complain about my aches and pains. However, somedays I needed just a little rant to deal with my achey body. But overall, this pregnancy was amazing. Very different from the last. I thought to myself the other day, just how faithful God was during this pregnancy. My theory behind getting pregnant with Zoe was for God to show me just how purposeful He is in His decisions and how I am in no position to question His plan(s). When we found out about Landree's syndrome, I had a hard time with understanding why she had to be born with a missing chromosome and why I had to watch her struggle. When I got pregnant with Zoe, unexpectedly, I could literally hear God telling me, "I'm doing this very intentionally. I want you to learn to trust Me. Let me take this. You need not fear this time around. I'm restoring your faith in Me through this pregnancy." Let me just say that God has NOTHING to prove to me or any of us, but I do feel He wanted me to feel rest assured that Zoe and the pregnancy was going to be ok. Landree has been such a gift. A precious, precious gift that I'd never want to return or change in anyway. I love her just how God made her. That was purposeful and intentional, too. I may not understand why, but I know it's His plan.
The very beginning of June was the start of the fastest pregnancy I've experienced yet. It flew by. I had a fairly easy, yet exhausting first trimester. The second trimester was ideal - I had a ton of energy. The third trimester was harder. I had trouble with my sciatica and different aches and pains, but overall I just can't complain. I managed to keep a high energy level the whole time. What a blessing that was!
So here we are. February. It had arrived. It was so fast, yet highly anticipated. My due date was February 11th. Dr. M told me she would take her a week early (at 39 weeks). With Landree needing ear tubes and that happening the same week I had a baby, I decided to have her induce Thursday the 6th instead of Tuesday the 4th. And begins Zoe Grace's birth story.
The morning of the 6th, I got up early because we were supposed to be at the hospital for the induction at 7:30. I woke up and texted my girls who had already texted me about it being baby day! Love the support I have from these ladies. As I'm texting them back. It hit me. It broke. My water -- it broke! How in the world Zoe could be so cooperative already, I don't know. Ha! That's God's awesome sense of humor coming out. I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. I quickly called Debbie (my best friend's mom, second mother and my L&D nurse for all three girls). I told her my water already broke, and she told me to put on a pad and head up there! I woke up Austin and told him to get up, that we would be in a little bit more of a hurry than I thought. However, my hair looked a mess and so I wasn't going anywhere until it was straightened!! So, Austin took a quick shower and I straightened my hair. Call me crazy.
I woke up my grandmother who was here staying with AB. I told her we were about to head out. I got Landree up and ready to take to Andrea's. I kissed and snuggled AB and LC as much as I could then we headed out the door. There was speculation of wintery weather for the day. I was glad that it had held off until later and we weren't driving on icy roads to get to the hospital. However it was C-O-L-D!
The second we got out of the van and started walking into the hospital, it started snowing just a little bit. This made everyone chuckle because the day Landree was born, tornadoes surrounded the hospital. Now on Zoe's birthday, there would be snow and wintery weather. What can I say? My girls bring crazy weather with them when they enter the world.
We headed up to L&D and Debbie awaited us. I had "requested" Room 10. This was the room that AB was born in. She couldn't get us 10, but Room 9 was available. Perfect! Not only was this room next to room 10 (with the same view) but it was also where my sweet nephew Liam was {almost} born! Good memories, all around! Not gonna lie, I didn't want room 4 where Landree was born. All I could think about was the tornadoes surrounding my room that day.
However, instead of tornadoes, we were surrounded by snowflakes! It was comforting to look out my window and see the winter wonderland that awaited Miss Zoe. Very Cool.
I got all situated and got one last picture of my pregnant self, my husband and the best nurse anyone could ask for.
My water had quit "leaking" by the time we arrived at the hospital. Dr. M thought my water hadn't completely broke, but rather it was she called a "high leak." This meaning that my water probably started leaking from above the babies head and hadn't completely broke. Or, it had completely broke but Zoe's head had corked it.
Debbie had hooked me up to my monitors and got my pitocin going by about 8:00. Just like with Landree, my contractions were slow at first. It took a while for them to get strong and close together. Dr. M waited a while to check me. She felt that if my water had broke then she didn't want to chance infection. However, it was a while later after no more fluid was apparent, that my water hadn't broke all the way and that she needed to break it. So, prior to my water being broke, I was still at a 3, where I had been the last time I was checked in her office.
About an hour after my water broke, my contractions started to get more intense. Debbie suggested getting my epidural. So, she called in Dr. Hart to get things going. I wanted an epidural, I always do. But I never can justify that epidural without feeling some pain. I absolutely hate the epidural. For some reason, too, this one was bad. It hurt worse than I remember and the sensation I felt up my spine was just as uncomfortable as I remember. However, it was over quickly.
I kept feeling my contractions, but only some pressure. Every time I would have a contraction, Zoe's little back or bottom was pushed up under my right ribs! Ouch! It was incredibly uncomfortable. This is where most of the pain was at first. Then, after a while, I was only feeling the contractions on the left side of my uterus. Debbie kept encouraging me to push my button. So I did. Over and over. And over. Finally, the pain subsided and I was able to breathe through what I could still feel.
About an hour after the epidural, I started feel pressure. A lot of pressure. Like I needed to push. It was weird since having epidurals with the other two have eliminated the feeling of needing to push. So, I told them that I was feeling that kind of pressure. One of the other nurses checked me and I had dilated to a six in about an hour. She said I had a little ways to go yet, but to push the button if it got worse. It did get worse. So, I kept pushing that daggom button that appeared to do NOTHING at first. But after a few pushes, the pressure went away.
About an 30 minutes to an hour after that, Debbie came in and checked me again. I was at a nine! I couldn't believe it had gone that fast. She had me give one small push to see if her head would come down. It did a little, but didn't feel like she was quite ready to come yet. She wanted her head down a little more. She went ahead and called Dr. M to let her know.
Within about a ten minute time frame, Debbie had checked me again and she thought that her head had come down enough. In fact, I even noticed a little bit of stress coming from Debbie. When Dr. M came in they both looked at the monitor. Apparently, Zoe wasn't liking those contractions, her heart rate was starting to drop. Dr. M stressed to me we had to get her out pretty quickly. Before I knew it, we were getting things ready to go. It was happening very fast. I managed to squeeze in one more picture with Debbie.
Dr. M kept closely watching that monitor and I could tell she was concerned. Debbie put an oxygen mask on me, and Dr. M looked at me and said, "Ok, Jennifer. I need you to push as hard as you can PLUS 10%." Geez Lousie! No pressure or anything on my part!! Seeing as that the epidrual masks all feeling and I have no idea how hard I push!!!! Then Debbie looked at me and said, "You can do this, Jennifer! Just like one of those marathons you've always wanted to run with Laura! You can do it!" I looked puzzling at her and around at everyone staring at me and said, "Umm....I've never said I wanted to run a marathon with Laura! So you might want to come up with a new way to motivate me to push this baby out." The room broke into laughter. Glad we could have a comical moment in the midst of he chaos taking place.
Debbie took one leg, Austin took the other. They told me to take a deep breath and push like I've never pushed before. Oh, boy. So, I did. I'm sure I turned a nice shade of crimson, but I pushed with everything I had. Once they got to ten, I looked up at Austin and I'll never forget the look on his face. He gave me a sweet smile and a nod. Letting me know that I did it. Her head was out. Now I was just waiting for the cry. Dr. M was suctioning her. I could hear little gurgles but no real cry yet. Then I heard it. She asked me to push one more time to get the rest of her out. I did and she was out.
Whew. I did it. I didn't know exactly what I had done. But it was done and she was out. My third beautiful baby girl was here! And so fast, too!
Dr. M immediately handed her to me as soon as she had gotten her all suctioned and wiped off. This was the first time I was handed a baby that wasn't completely cleaned off and wrapped. Sounds odd, but the realness and naturalness of holding a baby fresh out the womb was an amazing experience. Grateful I got to have that experience.
Anyway, she was perfect. She appeared to be fine, big and healthy. I was a little worried seeing as how Landree came out not ready for the world yet. She took about a month to adjust being out of the womb.
Austin and I soaked up those first few minutes with Zoe. We just stared at her sweet face. I was in awe she was here. I was in awe there was another one!! Three girls now! Wow.
Austin had the pleasure of getting to cut the chord. He did wonderful!
She was here! After nine of the fastest months of my life. Zoe Grace Aldrich made her debut into the world. The baby that was gifted to me. The baby that God chose to use to put my mind at ease and let me know that His ultimate plan is all I need. Plans of my own are no good. I must follow His.
There she was. All 8 lbs 3 oz and 20 inches long. Sweet baby girl.
My first thought when I saw her...oh, how she reminded me of Annabelle. She looked like her and even weighed almost the exact amount AB weighed when she was born. It was very surreal. They had the exact same eyes and such a sweet, round face.
Austin and I were quite smitten with her. They gave her to me to do some skin on skin. She still wasn't coughing out the fluid from delivery and she was starting to worry them. She wasn't giving us one of those nice, big cries that babies do when they're first born. They were hoping the skin on skin would work. It didn't, unfortunately. That quick delivery was a blessing in the fact that I didn't have to labor long and it fixed her unsettling heart rate, but at the same time, it was that quick delivery that gave my baby girl a NICU stay. Babies who labor a while and hang out in the birth canal, have those fluids pushed out of them by the contractions. There wasn't enough time for that to happen for Zoe. So, they needed to take her to the NICU to closely monitor her. Oh, how heartbreaking it was. We had to send yet another baby up to the NICU. I can't say that I wasn't a little bit rattled with anxiety. How long would it be? Are there underlying issues? Is this going to be the same experience as Landree all over again? And off she went.
Austin went with them to the NICU. He was gone for over 30 minutes. I was terrified of the news he might deliver to me. I knew it wasn't anything life threatening, or not at that point, anyway. But what if there was something wrong that they couldn't answer. Just like with Landree. I tried not to let my mind go there but it was hard. I started texting him and asking him what was going on. He told me they were putting her on a CPAP machine. This is the same thing that people with sleep apnea use. This opens up her lungs and will hopefully resolve the fluid issues. They had done an x-ray and saw that there was fluid on her lungs. So we knew for sure there was some fluid there and now it was a waiting game to see how long it would take to resolve.
In the meantime, I was moved out of Labor and Delivery to post partum. Debbie made sure to wheel me on a stretcher to the NICU to see Zoe before I was taken to post partum. They wheeled me in and I was able to touch her little arms, but that was it. She was hooked up to this scary looking machine. I hated it, but knew it was what they had to do to resolve the fluid.
Oh, how I was hit with a TON of memories as they wheeled me into that 4th floor NICU. The smells, the sounds of monitors going off. It was putting my memory on overload. The good thing about having a second NICU experience is you learn not to freak out over the beeping machines. They go off every so often, but you learn to drown them out, until you know what to look for.
They wheeled me down to my room and set me up. After being checked in, I told Austin I wanted to go back to the NICU before the night was over. I was still numb in my right leg, so getting me from the bed to the wheel chair was a bit of a task, but we did it. We went downstairs to tell my sweet baby good night. Oh, how tearful it was. It wasn't ideal. There would be no rolling my baby into my room from the nursery. No getting a chance to nurse. Instead she was hooked up to a machine, had an IV in her little hand, and I couldn't even hold her. I prayed. I prayed that God would use this to teach me something and to help me understand just why I had another baby go to the NICU. I could hear him say, "Trust me, Jennifer. Just trust me." I was trying. Oh, but it's hard.
{Side note: If you haven't read the very emotional and teary posts from the near month long NICU stay from Landree, you can find the beginning of those posts
here. They're very emotional and hard for me to go back and read. But if you do, you might see why this second time was so hard for me to relinquish that control (or the illusion of control, as Austin says), to God this time. I felt like I needed to be in control of this situation as not to have another experience like that}.
The night nurse was so sweet and explained exactly what was going on with her and what we might be looking at as far as how long she would be there. She told us that usually no more than a few days. I was praying for less than that. But ultimately, a few days was better than a few weeks.
The next morning I woke up, ordered breakfast and was about to call the NICU to check on her, when Dr. M walked in to check on me. She could tell I was stressed by the look on my face and she knew how heart wrenching it was, what we went through with Landree. I told her I hadn't called the NICU yet but was about to. She said she had already checked up on her and that everything looked good. She had seen her x-ray and it was clear. I was stunned! No more fluid? Really? She said, according to what I'm seeing (looking at her charts on her phone, somehow...) she said, I think she's doing fine! I couldn't believe it. She finished checking me out and then told me that she was going to make a call just to double check on Zoe. She came back a minute later and said, "Yep, I just talked to them and they took her off the CPAP. She's on room air and her oxygen looks great."
Oh, thank you, Jesus! Thank you!!
So, after breakfast, Austin and I went downstairs to see our girl, who was rid and free of machines! There she was. Oh, how I loved looking at that beautiful face! Not only could I look at her face, I could kiss it! I could hold her now!!
Nothing made me so happy than to see her big, beautiful brown eyes looking up at me. I was in love with that sweet face.
The PA in the NICU told us that if she does well after me trying to nurse her and her breathing stayed the way it had, we could look at her being discharged from the NICU and moving back down to the nursery by 2:00 that day! I couldn't believe it! Austin and I hadn't gotten our hopes up for anything. We learned with Landree that in the NICU, things can always take a turn. So, it's best just to stay optimistic, but do so with caution.
The nursing went great. She ate well, and handled it well. So, they were ready to discharge her by 2:00. Unfortunately, they said the nursery was backed up and kept pushing her time back farther and farther. It was frustrating because there were a couple of set backs. Such as, she needed to stay on anti-biotics just a bit longer, so they needed to do that through her IV. Well, they had taken out her IV by mistake and had to put it back in. This was unnecessary pain that she had to endure twice. Then, she didn't make it back to our room until 8:00 that night. By that time, the friends who had come to see her, couldn't. All of this I tried very hard to take in stride. After all, she was getting out of the NICU, and that's all I wanted.
Oh, how wonderful it was to see her tube free and rid of all machines. She was wheeled into our room that night by the nursery, and all was right with the world, again.
The following day was Saturday. She still needed to be checked out one more time by the doctors. That morning one of the NICU doctors, whom I remembered from when Landree was in the NICU, came to give us a report on her. He told us she looked great and just to follow up with her pediatrician on Monday. Then told us we could go home that day!! Hallelujah!!
Austin left that morning to go get the big sisters. They had waited too long to meet their sweet baby sister. While I was waiting for them to come back, I got Zoe in her "little sister" onsie and ready to meet them!
The looks on their faces were priceless. It was so sweet to watch that very first meeting between the three of them. It reminded me of when AB met LC for the first time. Such joy!
Sweet sisters finally united! I love Landree's expression. A little confused and a little in awe. AB just thought that she was an old pro at holding a newborn and took her very confidently. Me? Not so confident, but she did well!
No hospital pics for Zoe. Made me sad we missed that opportunity because it took the NICU and the nursery so long to get her to me, but that's ok. Daddy snapped some sweet shots of her in her going home outfit. Precious!
I'm so very grateful for a healthy baby and and a safe, quick delivery. It was rocky there for that 24 hours, but God had it the whole time. I knew He did. I just need to get over myself and let him lead me. I could be better about that. But we're so thankful for his grace extended to us through Zoe and all of our girls. We're thankful for His gifts and His very intentional, purposeful plans. Thank you, Jesus for this gift - for all three of them.
