Let me just preface this by saying, I'm extremely disappointed in myself in the lack of effort I've put into blogging about this pregnancy. I know, I know...people say that everything is totally different with your second one: you don't take as many pictures, video or document as much, but I didn't want to be that way. I wanted it to be equal for all my children. *Sigh* Oh, well. I guess I'm doing the best I can.
A little background on this pregnancy, thus far. I was sick and tired as a dog up until about 16 weeks. The nausea finally subsided, and the fatigue quickly followed. I was so thankful. I didn't even feel like a human being, and having a two year old, there wasn't a whole lot of resting going on. I can't complain, though. AB is very good and understood when Mommy needed to rest, but it isn't the same as coming home and just falling asleep with no worries before you have that first one. I was sick about 2-3 out of the five mornings of the week. I would feel a little better around lunch, and the nausea would start up again at night. I barely ate anything because NOTHING sounded good. Even when I did eat, my portion sizes were super small. I just didn't have an appetite.
I found out very early on that I had developed hyper-thyroidism. This means my thyroid is over active and it caused me to not gain weight. I wasn't losing, necessarily, just not gaining. In fact, I went in at the very beginning weighing about 135. Four weeks later I was down to 127, my pre-baby weight. Who knew?!? All I had to do was get pregnant a second time to get down to my pre-baby weight?? Sheesh!
Good news, though. My last visit, I went in and was back up to 135 and my blood showed that my thyroid was improving a little bit. I still went to see an endocrinologist, at the recommendation of my OB. He, just like my OB, was very thorough. Wants to see me again at 28 weeks and then if my symptoms are still pretty mild, as they are now, then he wants to do a post-baby visit at six weeks. Hyperthyroid could be something I deal with my whole life, but that's why I'm seeing the endocrinologist to determine if that is so, or not.
Landree is extremely active and I feel her on a regular basis. This is a blessing and a curse. The times I don't feel her, I start to worry a little bit. I can't seem to completely chill out after the miscarriage. I will say though, that this is a very, very prayed for baby and we have faith in our mighty God that He will bring her to us healthy and safe...and full term! However, if she doesn't want to be quite as full term as her sister, I would be ok with that, too.
This pregnancy has been a little different and presented challenges that we didn't have with Annabelle. At my first high-level ultrasound appointment, at 12 weeks, we had a wonderful sono and the doctor even predicted a girl. These sonograms are done for screenings for down syndrome. He said everything looked fine, but I would have a second sonogram at 17 weeks to make sure everything still looked good. We did go on ahead and opt to do blood work for funky genetic disorders. None of this in which we chose to do with Annabelle...down syndrome screening, genetic tests, etc... I was really caught off guard when the doctor called me a couple of weeks later telling me that my blood work showed I had a slight risk of downs syndrome. The odds were about 3%, but it didn't really matter to me - there was still a chance. I've talked to many, many people who have had the same results come back in their blood work. All of which don't have children with downs syndrome. Like my dad said to me, "You do realize that is a 97% chance that you don't have a baby with downs syndrome, right?" I know this, but being the mom, all I can focus on is the 3%. Austin and I have done a lot of praying, as well as good friends and family who have prayed with us also. I am thankful for them.
We went back to the doctor at 17 weeks to confirm the gender and see if the doctor detected anything on the sono that would be indicative of downs syndrome. The sonogram came back perfect. I wanted to be 100% encouraged, but the doctor, being the doctor, had to remind me that even though it was a good thing, 50% of all sonos with downs syndrome babies show normal at this stage. *Sigh* Well, Austin and I have just come to have a peace about it. We absolutely opted to NOT do the amnio, because that would mean that a very large needle would be placed inside my womb to determine whether or not the baby had downs syndrome. The risk of miscarriage is 1 in 200. No thanks. I don't want to know that bad. The chances of our baby having downs syndrome doesn't change how much we will love her. We just pray God's guidance, wisdom and protection during this time.
I can't lie, a flood of emotions, thoughts and feelings have been upon me since we found out there was "a risk." I don't feel like a baby with downs syndrome should be such a bad thing. I hate. Hate, hate, hate, people's facial expression when we tell them that our baby has a slight chance of having downs syndrome. It's almost like a, "Oh, how terrible for you." look. Why? Why would it be so terrible? I completely understand the changes and challenges that a downs syndrome baby would bring, but it's still our baby. It's still a human being. Why should that be devastating? I would feel privileged to be the mother of a child with a disorder such as that one. I was chosen by God. For whatever reason, I would be chosen.
However, at the same time, I just want a healthy baby that I don't have to consider all the changes and challenges, but if that is God's plan, I will gladly accept it.
Any and all prayers would be appreciated for us and our sweet Landree. God has great things in store. I feel it.
As far as my monthly belly pics that I was so devoted to and diligent about when I was pregnant with AB, they haven't been as much with Landree. At eight weeks, I was just too paranoid to take one. I took an 8 week picture with our last baby, and then a week later I lost him/her. So, I just avoided that one altogether. At twelve weeks, I was just plain sick. I didn't want to even walk into the other room to take a picture, I just wanted to go to bed. I don't have an excuse for week 16, except pure laziness. So, I forced myself to get up and get moving with my 20 week belly pic. I'm taking an oath to myself to be devoted to them from here on out.
So, here's week 20. Excuse the rest of me. Night time is still a bit of struggle for me - I'm tired!!
