Confessions of a Working Mom - Part I

"Working Mom." I honestly never thought I would gain that title, but I have. My mom was a stay at home mom. I loved it. So when I was old enough to start thinking about having kids, I always told myself I would be a stay at home mom. Well, timing and planning are everything and that isn't quite so. I am now a working mom. I could sit here and throw myself a pity party about how much I miss my baby for seven hours of the day. How hard it is for someone else to do MY job. I could sit here and cry about how I should be the one to witness her "firsts" and give her all her feedings and comfort all of her cries... ok, well I guess that was a bit of a pity party I just threw...but,throw me a bone. I've only been back to work two weeks. It's hard - really hard. However, I am trying to look at the positives and focus on those. This is what I've come up with:

• I have an incredibly rewarding job. I may be leaving my baby for seven hours of the day, but I have the privilege to educate and take care of other people's babies for that time. They are trusting me with their child, just like I am trusting someone with mine.
• I am out the door everyday at 3:15 (with the exception of Wednesdays...a teacher needs a "late day" to get everything done for the next week).
• Kindergarten is a blast. I crack up most of my day. They are sweet and loving, and the best part...they love me and Annabelle. Even though they have never met her, that is the wonderful thing about the heart of a five year old. You let them into your lives and share your thoughts with them, and they start to love the things you love and own the things you own.
• Teaching is in my blood. I love it...I have a hunger for it. Although, my hunger for being a mommy trumps it just a bit.
• We have most definitely been blessed with an incredible babysitter. I almost feel like that title is too juvenile for ALL she does and means to us. She is more like a mentor/friend that gets to hang out with my baby for the day. :0) She has taught me things in such a subtle and non-abrasive way. Even though she has tons of experience being a mommy, she doesn't impose her thoughts or theories on me. For this reason, I love asking her opinion and getting her advice. Let's face it, as a new mom...I don't know squat!! Best of all, I know she cares for Annabelle.
• It doesn't hurt that it takes me 3 WHOLE MINUTES to get to her house from my work. I LOVE being that close to AB. If I had to run, literally on foot, to get to her...I could.
• I have to pat myself on the back. I am breastfeeding (which was most definitely a feat within itself) and consistently pumping at work during the very few breaks I have during the day. It is time consuming, but I am committed to it. Let me clarify, there is NOTHING wrong with formula. We still supplement with formula a little bit. It is just that I think I'm so passionate about breastfeeding because I AM a working mom. That is something that only I can have. No one else can have that kind of time or bond with her. I need that for myself.

Those are my "glass half fulls" for the day! Really, I'm struggling on the inside. I hate leaving my baby. Don't misunderstand me, I don't dread my job or going to my job. I dread leaving my baby. There's a difference. I've had some really hard days. Days I just want to cry and cry. Days where Austin comes home and takes one look at my face, and says, "I'll cook dinner tonight." I think he sees that even that short time it takes for me to cook dinner, I could be spending the extra time with AB. I am so grateful for all God has done and is doing in my life. I don't know what God's plan is for next year. We're praying about it and will cross that bridge when we get there. For He knows what is best for me, Austin, and AB. I totally and completely have a new appreciation for all you working mom's out there. It's tough. There's a lot of guilt that comes into play. Guilt for not being with your baby. Then when you leave work and maybe feel like you didn't give it your all, you feel guilty for that too. It's almost like being torn in two different directions. Whether I stay a working mom or eventually stay at home, I will always have an appreciation for you moms. However, I know staying at home is a job within itself. I am grateful for the adult time that my job gives me. But more than anything, I just want that Annabelle time. Leaving you with a picture that I got from the sitter last week. These types of things make my day when I'm missing my baby AB. It makes this working mom very happy.