Confessions of a Working Mom - Part III: The Dreaded Greeting

Well, it happened. For the first time since I've left AB, it happened. What I've always dreaded - I go to pick her up from Andrea and she cries when I went to scoop her up in my arms. I know she's a little young, and the reason she cried is most likely a reason different than what I think, but it still upset me. I usually don't even touch her until I get home and scrub down and change clothes. I'm so afraid of spreading "school germies" and getting her sick. I've found out that as time goes on, it's getting harder and harder to do. So, today I got my new school hoodie at the end of the day, so I quickly put that on before leaving work, scrubbed my hands and was all set to snatch my little AB up as soon as I got to her. So, when Andrea opened the door and was holding her, I took her into my arms (which is out of our routine because I usually just smile and talk to her and not touch her since I'm germ infested) and loved on her. I held her up to look at her face, and her little bottom lip quivered and she started to cry, but stopped herself before it turned into a full-blown sob. Ugh. If you were quiet enough, you could actually hear my heart break, I think. It was painful. My child, instead of smiles and squeals, gave me a lip quiver and a cry. I felt for the first time in her little two months of life, she wasn't happy to see me. Of course my husband tried to convince me that she is still too young to "not be happy to see me" and that of course she's always happy to see me. But as the guilty "working mother" was coming out in me, I felt that was the reason - because I leave her for seven hours of the day to go to work instead of be with her. I felt she was starting to not just like being at Andrea's, but love it and not want to leave. I felt for a little bit today that she was starting to view Andrea as mommy. Andrea (who is the sweetest thing, btw), was convinced she was tired because she barely slept today, and that was the reason for her unhappiness. I have to admit, the second we got in the car, she fell asleep. I guess that was it. When she woke up, I got a HUGE smile (with a little coaxing). She wasn't as smiley as she normally is on this day. The rest of the night, though, I saw those beautiful gums of hers from big smiles. I know she loves me and I know she knows I'm mommy. It was just hard to have my daughter's first reaction to see be a sad one. Oh, the guilt that plays into that is too much at times, but I pray myself through it and know that God has a plan.