You Are Faithful, God.

Before reading, please know...

this blog was created for my girls. This is their baby book, of sorts, and the things that are posted are for their memories. There are reasons this blog is "private." I've invited only a few in to share in our memories. I will, on occasion, use the blog as journaling "therapy" for myself. Since Landree was born this is something I enjoy and find that I need to do. Please know that I'm sharing my most personal thoughts and cares. I just ask that if you are reading this, you please hold everything confidential and not share what I have written with others. There is a reason "others" aren't reading what you are right now. If you are reading this, I trust you. I trust you with my feelings. If you are reading this, thank you. Thank you for being someone I trust to be included in my personal life. Please continue to pray for us, as I would like to do the same for you. Feel free to comment. Your comments inspire me. Love to all. - Jen

Not gonna lie, some days...are just hard. Being a mom has to be the most wonderful, yet, most agonizing job in the world. I can't imagine anything more wonderful than being a mother. My girls bring me so much joy, but the love I have for them can be quite overwhelming. It is such a responsibility to be a parent. You are completely in charge of a life that 100% depends on you. I do have to remind myself, often, that I am only their earthly mother, and their Heavenly Father is the one whom they really and truly belong to. At times, this doesn't always ease the load.

When Landree was given to me, and we found out about her condition, it hit me hard. All kinds of questions ran through my head. I didn't understand why she had to have something wrong with her. I didn't understand why God would allow it. I didn't understand why I was given the responsibility. Honestly, I still don't quite understand these things. I get extremely overwhelmed by what the future holds for my sweet Landree. I find myself becoming more and more anxiety-ridden when I think about it. God has to reign me in and remind me that thinking that far ahead into the future is the wrong thing to do. That is why I get anxiety. Taking it one day at a time is what He has commanded. That's really hard. I want it all figured out right here, right now. Lay it all out in front of me, Lord! I want to know your will and what I'm facing here...is that too much to ask?

Some days, I feel inadequate. I feel like I'm not worthy of a child with a need such as Landree's. Furthermore, what are her "special" needs? Again. I want to know what it's going to be like. Some days it feels as though she has none. It feels like she's doing everything she should be doing. Other days, I feel like we've taken four or five steps back. These are the days I feel discouraged. The more discouraged I get, the more I feel like I am not worthy of being her mother. I feel like I am doing her a disservice by worrying about every little thing. Literally. Every. Little. Thing. I hate this about myself.

Last week we took Landree for her first OT (occupational therapy) and PT (physical therapy) appointment. I woke that day preparing myself to feel depressed. Anytime we have a doctor's appointment of any sort for Landree, I always hear something that gets me down. Sure enough, we found out that we were depriving her of the amount of thickener she should be receiving in her bottle. I had been giving her WAY less than what she really needed. Then for physical therapy, the PT told me that she was on track with about a one to two month old. What? But she's almost four months. This was disheartening.

I feel like I'm allowing satan to come into my life and lie to me. I feel like I'm letting him win. When I get down about Landree's condition....I let him win. Truth is, God is faithful all the time, and He has a purpose for Landree...and me. I know I've mentioned before, that I didn't really have a testimony until Landree came along. Now I have something to "preach" about and share. She is a wonderful way to share the gospel.

God proved His faithfulness to me through His word tonight. Many of you know, my Jesus Calling devotional, by Sarah Young,  is my saving grace. God speaks to me through this devotional. For some reason, today was hard. Nothing in particular happened today. We didn't have any kind of doctor appointment. In fact, we had a wonderful day with one of my best friends, Jenna. I don't know, really. Sometimes it can be a comment, a stare or just my own issues that can cause my day to be off. I was in a particularly bad mood. I picked a fight with Austin. A really stupid one, and just felt down for the rest of the day. Whatever the reason, I needed a slap in the face. A "wake up call," if you will.

I crawled into bed tonight, exhausted. Simply exhausted. I ached from my head to my toes. My back had an unusually painful twinge in it, my legs and ankles ached, as did my arms. I felt like I was falling apart. I just felt so tired. It probably has a lot to do with lugging around an infant carrier and chasing a two year old and everything else that entails. I don't know, but I felt bad inside and out. As I turned over to go to bed, I cried. I cried about my day. I cried about fighting with my husband. I cried about Landree's needs.  I felt sorry for myself. I felt bad for worrying so much about Landree. Why can't I just accept it? Why can't I just GET THERE???? Why does this have to be so difficult? And why was I chosen to take on all of this?  I'm honored to be here mother, but I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job. All of these thoughts, made me feel guilty. I looked over at my Jesus Calling, and satan told me, "Nah. Don't open it. It won't do any good. You're a failure. A failure. Just go to sleep and dwell on it." I listened to him and cried some more. I kept glancing at my devotional. Laziness crept over me and I didn't want to pick it up. I'd already turned out the lights to go to bed. I didn't want to get up. Oh, that satan...he's just so mean. Finally, God's voice broke through, and I listened. He told me to open it up and read it. He was going to provide some comfort to my broken thoughts. I'm glad I listened. Here's today's devotional:

July 31st


"TRUST ME in the depths of your being. It is there that I live in constant communion with you. When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside, do not get upset with yourself. You are only human, and the swirl of events going on around you will sometimes feel overwhelming. Rather than scolding yourself for your humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you.


I am with you at all times, encouraging and supportive rather than condeming. I know that deep within you, where I live, My peace is your continual experience. Slow down your pace of living for a time. Quiet your mind in My Presence. Then you will be able to hear Me bestowing the resurrection blessing:  Peace be with you."


It couldn't have been more fitting. God reminded me tonight that I am only human, and my finite mind isn't capable of understanding everything that is going on and His perfect plan. I'm not supposed to see it all laid out in front of me like I want it to. I know that these day-by-day experiences are supposed to mold me and make me into the person/Christian He wants me to be.

So yes, today I'm feeling inadequate and worn down. But that's ok. I have the love of my God to get me through and show me His plan and purpose. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on my gift. I'm going to focus on Landree, and try and take each thing as it comes and pray about the solution. I am working on accepting her condition and who she is going to be. I have no doubt that what she is going to be is greatness. But it will be Landree's greatness, in her own way. And I couldn't be more pleased with that.

Thank you, God, for Your faithfulness. You alone are all I need.

The Best Smile {EVER}!!

I don't think any one picture has ever made my heart leap with joy like the one my sweet friend Chelsea took the other night. LC decided to give us a huge gummy smile, and it is by far my most favorite picture. 

Love my sweet LC!

Take Me Out {to My First} Ballgame!

The evening of June 22nd, we headed out to the Ballpark with Nick, Kelly and Alex for AB's first ever, Ranger game! She's been watching the Ranger games with her Daddy for sometime, but only recently has she become interested in it. She'll sit there and root the Rangers on while Austin watches the game. Of course, she refers to them as "the blue team" or depending on the uniform color, "the red team," too. 

I was so excited for her to go! I had to buy her a personalized blinged our Rangers shirt just for the occasion. I love, love this picture of two of my loves. My third love stayed home with Bebe and Papa, and looked for us on t.v.

It was sort of a sad night for Mommy. On our way walking up to the stadium, my Canon Rebel fell out of my camera bag and hit the concrete...hard. I was sick about it. All this right before leaving for our Florida vacation. Well, thank goodness for today's technology and cameras on cell phones. I was still able to capture the night.

AB got to experience some ballpark favorites: cotton candy being one of those. She was a fan.

I loved watching her clap when they made a home run or an awesome play. My favorite part was how she had to point it out to Austin...as if he didn't see it.

During the seventh inning stretch, we headed over to home plate so AB could get her very own "I Attended My First Ranger Game" certificate. Signed by the famous Nolan Ryan, himself {*snicker*}. 

Alex picked up his certificate too...even though this was his fourth or fifth game. 

I'd say overall, she was a pretty happy little Ranger fan. She talks about wanting to go back. I think we can make that happen.

Meeting Mike

After nearly twenty years, Austin reconnected with his biological father. I never thought I'd see the day where Austin and his real dad, Mike, were in the same room talking, face to face. But I did. It happened. There's always been a missing piece to Austin, just because I'd never met his father. He looks nothing like his mom, and they have different personalities, too. So, seeing his dad I felt like would be the missing piece.

Haha - well, I was in for a surprise. As far as looking alike...nope, not really. As far as personality, TO A TEE!!!! It may surprise some of you that Mike has hair down to his mid-back and looks like he just stepped off a Harley. This is not my husband at all, physically speaking. But as far as personality and mannerisms...they are very much alike.

AB enjoyed getting to meet Mike. She understood he was Daddy's daddy. And Mike took on the Grandpa role very well. 

I felt him and Landree had a connection.  At one point, Landree was fussing, I handed her over to Mike and she immediately stopped. He spent the next several minutes cuddling her and talking to her. Very sweet.

This night was also the first time for Austin to meet his half-brother, B.J. He was precious.

The night before Mike and B.J. headed back to Ohio, I snapped a few pictures of them as a family. Man, that was surreal. For everyone involved.

It was fun getting to visit with him, and I'm thrilled Austin was able to reconnect.

Annabelle's New Friends

The day before we left for vacation, my dad came over for a bit. When he left, we walked him outside and noticed that a fire truck, ambulance and a police car were several houses down, blocking the street. Since we live on a cul-de-sac, he was blocked in. Not knowing how long it would take, we stayed outside for a while, just waiting. Finally, the paramedics, fireman and policeman, got back in their cars and were on there way. They used our cul-de-sac to turn around. So, I told AB to wave to the firemen as they drove past. 

So, sweet little AB stood in the front yard waving her little hand as they drove by. Well, I guess she's just as resistible as I think she is, because those firemen stopped the truck right in front of our house and got out to talk to AB. It was at this point I ran in the house to grab my camera. When I came back outside she was even closer to the house than she was when they pulled up and was afraid to get any closer! 

I was laughing a little about it, but at the same time embarrassed! I just kept thinking how they stopped just for her, and if she wouldn't step close to them or the truck - I was going to feel so bad! So, it was at that point that I bribed her with popsicles, M&M's and cookies if she would at least go up and say, "Hi." And she did.

She warmed up enough to where she would sit in the fire truck with me. 

Then Daddy and Papa get in on the picture-taking, too.

Nebyu, our sweet little neighbor, came over to see the firemen, too. So we all got a picture.

The longer we were there, the braver she got. She finally would step up in the truck for me to get a picture of her by herself. You can see it in her face she's thinking, "Ok, take the picture and get me off of here!"

The firemen were nice guys, and got a picture with AB. Haha...that's as close as she would get.

We couldn't forget about Landree. So, I jumped in with her in my arms so she could be in the picture, too. However, after I looked at this picture and how awkward it is, I thought, why didn't I just hand her to one of them? They fight fires, rescue people, and tend to sick...surely they could've handled holding a three month old baby. Oh, well.

It was a fun surprise to have them stop at our house that evening. AB and I are thinking about baking them cookies and bringing them up to the station, along with the picture of her with them. Every time she sees a fire truck she yells out, "Look! It's our friends!!!" Yes, in her two and a half year old mind, she made four new friends that day.

Playing Catch Up

Oh how I'm behind on my blogging! Life got a bit chaotic before leaving for Florida. This was my first time to pack for a family of FOUR! Thanks to Pinterest and being a teacher and having the summer off,   I managed to pack efficiently and wasn't too stressed out. However, packing for this many for the first time kept me busy. So many things to remember!!! It was well-worth it, though. It was an amazing trip spent with amazing friends! I'm so thankful for the time spent with them.

Now, it's back to reality and preparing for two MAJOR upcoming events. One being the preparation of my new classroom at Whitt Elementary. I mentioned this new chapter in my life in one of my previous posts. Today that realization set in and I got really, really sad. Not sad to be working with a new group of wonderful ladies and an awesome boss, but the realization of leaving my comfort zone and the most amazing team/friends anyone could ask for. I've never began a new year without them, at that school, in that classroom. I'm trying very hard not to stress over it, but I don't know what I'll do without them.

The second event is Miss AB's third birthday party. The theme this year: Blue's Clues. Yes, that cute little blue dog will make an appearance, and with the help of Pinterest, I'm already planning ideas and getting ready for it. So between these two major things, I'm going to do my best to catch up on my blogging. Here's my list of blogging "To Do's:"

• Landree's 3 Month Post
• AB's First Ranger Game
• Meeting Mike
• AB's New Friends - Unexpected Visitors!
• Florida Vacation 2012

Here's to hoping to get them done in a timely manner. It feels like I have a lot of summer left, but it will go by before I know it. 

Three Months Old

Happy 3 Months to my precious Landree Claire,

What a joy you are to Mommy and Daddy! We love you so much and are so impressed with you and your progress everyday. You turned three months old the day before the 4th of July. So, I figured your most patriotic attire was in order!

You are such a beautiful, beautiful baby. You are most often complimented on your delicate little features and your beautiful skin tone. I'm hoping you keep that dark skin. However, if you do, I'm not quite sure who to say you get it from. Your Daddy and I both are pale as ghosts, but we do have some Native American blood running through us. Maybe, just maybe, you inherited some of that.

You are a joy and such a pleasure to be around. I will say this for you, though. You don't cry that much, but when you do...whoa. Watch out! You make it very clear you aren't happy.

At the same time, you are such a peaceful, sweet baby. You sleep like a champ (in true Aldrich fashion), and you are so pleasant. I could watch you sleep all day. Which isn't far from impossible for you, since sleeping is something you still enjoy. Luckily for us, even though you still sleep a lot, that doesn't stop you from eating. Whew. That's a relief.

Even though you are three months old, that's still only two full months you've lived at home. Yes LC, you've come a long way since your NICU days. As far as how you are doing developmentally, we've determined you're still about a month behind. However, you were born nearly a month early...so this would explain it. Right when you hit your three month mark, I was able to capture your beautiful smile, which you've started doing recently. Oh, how it makes my day.

I love how alert you are now. I feel like I see a real personality shine through. Even though you are sweet, I can tell you are going to be feisty. If you don't like something, you let us know. Good for you.

It's so funny how many times you have attempted to suck your thumb. You just don't quite have the hang of it yet. I'm really curious to see if you are going to be a thumb sucker or not. I was. Boy, was I. I had that silly thumb until I was nearly twelve years old. I hope that isn't an issue for you, but at the same time...if you want your thumb, go for it, girl!

You are still working on some things, but I have no worries that you won't get there. You are just going to do them in Landree time. And that is perfectly alright with me. I mean, your face is absolutely way too precious and sweet not to just soak up everything you are doing now. I love you so much!

 Speaking of loving you SO much! Your big sister has so much love for you it is ridiculous. She has the hardest time keeping her sweet little hands off of you. I've actually had to make some rules. She can't play, touch, love on or squeeze you without Mommy being around. I'm afraid you might be smothered, literally, with too much love if I don't supervise. Hehe. Of course her intentions are nothing but pure, but Mommy still feels the need to supervise until she can "contain" her love for you.

I'm so glad you have your sister and she has you. She is going to be your best friend. You guys will be thicker than thieves and I can't wait to see your sisterly relationship grow. How much fun to have a sister. I'm just tickled you two will have each other.

God is going to do amazing things with you, Landree. He's molding you into the person He wants you to be and He wants you to tell a story. He wants you to tell a story of your life that brings glory to His name. You have already done that just by being born. You've inspired a lot of people just in the first month of your life. You are a fighter, and I can't wait for you to be a fighter for Him. You and your sister are going to grow up to be two Godly women and I'm so excited to watch you both.

Happy three months to you, my angel face. It is because of you our hearts have grown even more and are bursting with joy. We love you so much!!

Mommy