Landree's Stay in the NICU: Day 2

April 8, 2012

Day two in the NICU just so happened to be Easter. This wasn't exactly the way I thought our family was going to spend Easter. I was prepared to have a newborn and most likely spend the day at home, seeing as that I would probably be a sleep-deprived mama. However, God had other plans for this little angel. I hope this pose meant she was thinking about waking up and eating!

I was very encouraged when I went up for her 9:00 am feeding. I went to the desk and told them my name and they informed me she had been moved. My heart dropped. Where this time? The lady at the front desk told me she had been moved to the "other side" of the NICU. She went on to tell me that when they are moved to the "other side" it usually means they are doing better and getting ready to go home. Praise Jesus! This was music to my ears! They let me in and I found her in her new room. She had a huge room all to herself. I couldn't wait to scoop her up and cuddle her!

We did her first feeding and she did great! She took 40 ml/cc in about 20 minutes. This was major progress! I was feeling really encouraged. She ate well, her suck seemed a lot stronger and she seemed more alert to me, also. I absolutely can't get enough her sweet little cheeks and face. Her sweet smell is intoxicating to me. If I could I would stay there 24-7.

I was able to feed her, love on her and still make it back home to grab my other two loves to make it to church. This was an incredible blessing. If you know me, you know that my church/faith family means everything to me. Those wonderful people and their love for the Lord is what got me up, ready, and wanting to go worship just five days after giving birth. I couldn't have been more happy to do so. Not only that, but my poor, neglected two year old was able to participate in the egg hunt at church. I feel like her Easter just slipped away from me.

After church we went back up to the hospital. We brought AB so my parents met us up there to watch her for a little bit while Austin and I got to feed her together. Then they were able to come back after the feeding. This was another good feeding. She took, again, about 40 ml/cc in about 20-25 minutes. Again, feeling really encouraged by her progress. The Neonatologist stopped in to talk to us. He told us that everyday he was going to increase her intake about 5 ml/cc. He warned us, it might seem like they are setting her up for failure, but if she isn't pushed to take a large amount in a decent time, she may not meet her goals. He said her jaundice levels were still slightly increasing, but still nothing too serious, and they weren't high enough to put her under the lamp. He told us that he would like as much bottle feedings as possible. So if she was scheduled to have a gavauge feeding and she happened to be awake and alert before that feeding, he wanted her to have a bottle instead. I felt that it was a lot, but I liked that they are being aggressive in their expectations for her. Tough love - that's what I call it.

Even though she wasn't in a pretty, frilly Easter dress, we still got an Easter picture together. I think she's gorgeous - even in that silly little while t-shirt.

I came back by myself for the 9:00 pm feeding. It was at this feeding that I started getting discouraged. This feeding, she only had about 35 ml/cc in 25 minutes. There was no getting anymore down her. She was OUT like a light. When this kid falls asleep, she is asleep. She is just so lethargic from being three weeks early and the jaundice. Not only was she not meeting her goal of 40 ml/cc, but she was still losing weight. How could this be? Only half of her 8 feedings a day were bottle, so she wasn't exerting that much energy. So, I left that night feeling like I'm just that much farther from getting her home. In some ways, I wish the lady at the front desk hadn't told me that being moved to the "other side" meant she was going to get to come home soon. This absolutely got my hopes way up. I felt that maybe we would be taking her in the next day or two. After this feeding, I'm not so sure anymore.

Nope, this Easter wasn't what I expected at all. I can say this for it, though. God's love for us must be so incredibly great. Here, he sent His son to be tortured, put on that cross and die for us. He sacrificed His only child for all of us. Wow. I think about doing that. I think about sacrificing my own children for so many unloving, undeserving human beings - ummm...no thank you. I'm thankful for the sacrifice all so that we can be with Him in heaven some day. That's incredible. I'm trying to be thankful for all the small trials in my life. I am thankful for them because I know that God has a greater purpose and all I can do is trust in His purpose and plan. Landree does not belong to me. Annabelle does not belong to me. They are both His. So, they're lives are in His hands, and I will surrender all control to Him. They're good hands to be in.